INT. LESLIE’S OFFICE. DAY. Sidney and Leslie. LESLIE You are putting me in a very difficult position. The receivers wont be happy. SIDNEY He was out of order. LESLIE He may have genuinely not known the value. SIDNEY Yeah and my uncle is the queen of Sheba. LESLIE So are you telling me that painting really is worth five thousand pounds. SIDNEY Yes. (then thinks better of it) No. LESLIE You are aware that you should have declared that asset. SIDNEY That painting is my nest egg Leslie. We old folk need to have something put away for the rainy day. You’re not going to grass on me are you? LESLIE Again, you are putting me in a very awkward position. SIDNEY Your employment will terminate with the auction, do you really give a stuff? There is a knock at the door. LESLIE Come in. REBECCA enters REBECCA Leslie, we’ve got a problem with the patio doors in the lounge, we can’t find the key. LESLIE Get Eric to look at it. REBECCA Okay. REBECCA exits. SIDNEY Eric? LESLIE He used to be a locksmith. INT. LOUNGE. DAY Sidney, Leonard, Dorothy, Harold and Charlie are sitting watching ERIC, an earnest old boy, fiddle with the patio door lock. ESTABLISH that Edith’s chair is empty. SIDNEY Where’s Edith? Is she in her bedroom? DOROTHY She’s gone SIDNEY Gone where? LEONARD The coast, re-housed SIDNEY Already! HAROLD They’re weeding us out, CHARLIE Victor with Parkinsons, he’s going tomorrow. HAROLD And then there was nine. SIDNEY Something has got to be done about this. DOROTHY What? Leslie will never find the money to buy this place. CHARLIE Unless she robs a bank. SIDNEY Unfortunately, that’s not as easy as it sounds. LEONARD You would know. SIDNEY Of course I would know. But I’m retired. LEONARD You know, I thought when we went to see Alfie, that you was going to see him about planning another a job. SIDNEY Another job? Leonard, I hardly have the strength to turn over my toast in the morning. LEONARD I know, I was just playing with the idea that’s all. SIDNEY Well play with something, that won’t get me ten years in the scrubs. DOROTHY Is prison worst than this? SIDNEY Much worst…this is nice here, I mean it’s homely, nice people, of course who knows what sort of stalag we’ll get sent to next. LEONARD Some of those homes, they could be worst than prison. DOROTHY Then what have we got to lose? SIDNEY Excuse me? DOROTHY Lets rob a bank SIDNEY Have they changed your medication Dorothy? LEONARD I’m in. SIDNEY In for what? LEONARD What ever you’re planning SIDNEY I’m not planning anything. CHARLIE Shall I plan it? SIDNEY Oh yeah you plan it Charlie, just make sure it’s got bleedin’ wheel chair access. CHARLIE Oy, look beyond the wheel chair. SIDNEY Out of order, apologies. CHARLIE Accepted. They sit and watch Eric in silence for a while. Another resident HAROLD starts to snore. CHARLIE I still have a brain, you know. And I did National Service. I know how to clean a rifle and fire it. DOROTHY Lets do it. And buy this place. ERIC Don’t be ridiculous Dorothy. DOROTHY And why is it ridiculous? SIDNEY I’ll tell you why, can anyone here climb a ladder? Or squeeze through a hole? Or run across as roof, or jump over a fence. DOROTHY Isn’t that to our advantage, we’ll be the last people they’ll suspect. I’ve lived in so many different places in my life Sidney, I don’t want to move again, I’m tired of it. SIDNEY Have you ever lived in prison? DOROTHY I grew up in India during the second world war. I’ve been caught up in a military coup in Africa, I’ve dodged mortar fire and been chased by a lion. I’ve even killed a man whilst having sex. ERIC drops his screwdriver. DOROTHY (contd) I’m not fazed by the thought of prison. I say lets do it. LEONARD I’ve still got my driving licence. CHARLIE You can nick the get away car. LEONARD (brightly) Okay. (then) I don’t know how to steal a car. HAROLD (eyes still shut) I know, I worked in the motor trade for fifty years. I’m up for it. SIDNEY You maybe up for it, (points to others) and him and him and her. But Me, the only person who knows about these things, I’m out. It’s a young man’s game. DOROTHY Then we’ll have to plan it without you. SIDNEY You do that. Can anyone here open a safe? DOROTHY Eric you can open a safe, can’t you. SIDNEY Excuse me, there is big difference between a patio door and a bank vault. ERIC Actually I could…open a bank vault.. I could do that..but I’m not going to … I’m not getting involved. SIDNEY Very wise Eric. Very wise. And neither am I. Look..You’re nice people, with hip replacements. You’re not criminals Sidney walks away from them